I have my stuff (insert the other word) together

Last night as I was awoken by Claire, 'mommy sugar pi just puked in my bed'.  Oh the luxuries of having a dog.  Every now and then my dogs get these bugs, and I think they have nerves just like me. I couldn't go back to sleep.  I found my mind racing and thinking of all kinds of things.  One was should I take a full time job.  After a few thoughts and few hours later I had the thought, I wonder when and if I will get my stuff together! I thought by now I would have it all together.

While growing up I often thought 'I can't wait until I have my stuff (insert the other word) together'. Yes, I would think when I grow up I will have all my stuff together!  How many of you have thought that or still think that?  Someday I will have my stuff together.  Someday when I have all my stuff together.  So and so has their stuff together, I can't wait to have my stuff together like that!

I have been struggling for a few months now and I keep thinking I will start to feel better soon and things will all come together.  I have to say and I have said this before, this is a great adventure that I am on.  Knowing that God put me here for a reason and trying to figure that out is not as easy as said. I keep my head up and try to focus so I don't miss anything coming my way.  I have built a life as best as I can for me and my family.  I don't know where it will lead us and if it's all the right reasons but we are doing the best we can.  I go forward blindly knowing it will all be ok and it will all come together.

I know what some will say, 'you have it all together'!

Well, I then thought back to when I would say 'I can't wait until I have it all together'.  I think it is as far back as I can remember and I mean far back, like when I was 12 maybe 13.  'I can't wait to have my stuff together'.  So as I thought about this in the middle of the night and I asked myself, what would that look like exactly and what other stuff do I need to have it all together?  I realized that I do have my stuff together and I have had it my whole life.  As far back as life began for me I have had my stuff together.  Working for small goals even if I did not know they were goals.  Working to get from one place to the next.  My stuff has always been together.  It has been with me and accumulating as I go.  Right now seems like a blur because I am trying to keep all of that stuff together!

What does having your stuff together look like? Being married for 19 years in counting. Kids becoming teenagers over night. Dogs puking all over the place in the middle of the night, you are on your hands and knees cleaning it up knowing that if you don't do it now you won't want to do it later. Doing the dishes after you made a mess in the kitchen because you desperately want your family to eat a good meal.  Drive up and down the road taking kids back and forth to school and other activities.  The pile of clothes on your couch in the living room that you took out of the dryer but you leave it there because you think I will come back to that later in the day because I have other things that are more important to do. Bickering with your children over what the word NO means. Bickering with your children over why they can not wear that to school. Crying yourself to sleep because you miss something so badly that it hurts.  Laughing with your children and your spouse until you cry. Running to the store at 8pm to pick up worms, algae and a snail so that your kids can do a project for school. Making a difference in someones life with just a smile.

This is just a few things at what it looks like to have your stuff together! I guess I have my stuff together! Do you have your stuff together?

Time

Many years ago, about 17 to be roughly exact, I was told by an older wiser young women that when she left Indianapolis she took off her watch.  She was headed down to Longboat Key, Florida.  She said she ate when she was hungry and slept when she was tired and did not care what the time was because she was on vacation.

I have lived a many years that I felt like time was always what I had to worry about.  I had to be here or there and be there on time.  Of coarse many that I know will say, I did not always make it there "on time" but I sure tried and I let it consume my life, in which it would stress me out so bad that it made me sick.  I would rush myself and then later my family all on the fact that we were going to be late.  As those years went on I would vacation down in Longboat Key with my family, as I started so many years ago.  After that wise old younger women told me about taking off her watch, I started taking off my watch when I arrived to my destination of Longboat Key.  I have worn a watch as far as I can remember.  I had a swatch watch as early as middle school and then after I meet my wonderful husband, he would buy me some really nice watches.  I recently received another really nice watch from my husband and I really like it by the way.  I found myself doing in a tradition fashion, taking off my watch.

I do still have my phone, which by the way has replaced the ever so popular watch.  I find myself looking at my phone often to see what time it is.  However, I still have put my watch on the shelf and will not wear it until I leave Longboat Key.  I love the fact that when I am here I can escape the feeling of being somewhere "on time'.  I love the feeling of being so blessed that I can come here to get away from time.

Thank you Claire Morris for saying something so small that has stuck with me for so many years.   Something that helps me be on vacation.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

...however the memories you make are worth forever.

I had this moment yesterday, one that you have that makes you think, "well, I can't take it with me."
I was sitting in the bleachers at Jacobs eighth grade graduation starting to take pictures with my camera.  I pushed the button to take Jacob's picture as he walked to his seat on the field.  I realized that the camera would not let me take a picture. I was curious as to why it would not let me take a picture.  The thoughts that go through my head at this time is, 'I know the battery is not dead because I have been in this position before so I made absolutely sure that the battery was charged earlier in the day so that I could use my ever so fancy camera to take the perfect picture of Jacob during his eighth grade graduation.'

Quick side note: this was a real graduation, like one that you attend for high school or college.  They called off every name of every student as they walked up to the stage to receive their elementary education diploma. Continued:  I looked down at the screen to see that my memory card was full and I could not take anymore pictures.  Well, shoot!  I did not think of that.  I usually, after taking several hundred pictures, upload my pictures to my computer so that I have them.  I have not had this problem ever before on my camera.  I decide that I will go ahead and delete some pictures because to tell you the truth I do sometimes take a lot of pictures, like maybe a couple of 1,000's of pictures and then go through them later to delete the ones I really do not want.  The nature of having a hobby of photography!  I hand the camera to Dan and tell him I need to delete some pictures so that I can take new pictures, ones that I think are important.  Dan says quickly, "can I delete all?" I say, Yes I think so....wait...no I have my pictures from our trip to Arizona on their that I have not taken off yet." Dan says "I just deleted all."

I have the feeling of oh no!  Oh no, I just lost all my pictures of the Grand Canyon, Sedona, and Rio Rico.  I just deleted all of my last vacation pictures.  I do have some on my phone and I have a few that I have already shared with Facebook and Instagram friends.  I think to myself how crazy is this, I asked Dan to turn around the car after we left our house to go back and get my lens so that I could take awesome pictures at the Grand Canyon.  It was a forty minute turn around and I was truly thankful that Dan turned around to go back and get it.  I thought, as I sat there after deleting my pictures, what a waste of time to turn around. Then I thought, well at least I have a few from my phone and you know what I have the memory of going to this amazing place and that is all I really need.

California Living

I have not posted in some time and actually thought I would have posted more before now.  I have been on one world wind of an adventure!  I found myself busy with kids, a new job and life!
I spent the early part of my months living in California trying to find myself and where I belonged!  I may have come here on the wings of another but I am living the life of blessings and the free.  So truly blessed by the life I have and the adventure I am on.  I have to be truthful,  I said this from the beginning, my only wish for this amazing adventure was to bring everyone with me!  I have been blessed in this life with so many wonderful people and a wonderful family.  People who support me and my family even if it doesn't make any sense or if it's going to hurt!  Along the way I knew it would hurt but it would be ok.  Being able to see my family, every few months has helped with making the loss of a life that was a good one into the gain of life that is good too!

God has put people in my life that I will be forever grateful to.  Some I don't even know their names and will probably never see again to others who were just people that were meant to be there for a time in my life to lead me to the next part of my journey.  I am truly grateful for each of those memories.  I have meet others that I know I will take along with me in the journey and it feels good that I have that.

This is a good life.... you only live once....make it the best day ever!

<3